Going Clinical on Hulu's Perfect Wife: The Mysterious Disappearance of Sherri Papini Documentary
August 20, 2024 |
| A humongous cup of Starbuck's Caramel Macchiato to start my 40th Birthday (not a coffee person but this was a free gift from Starbucks and the lady at the counter made it a large - as usual did not finish, too much sugar) - Lancaster, August 2024 |
Good morning beautiful people,
Hope your day got to a lovely start...and loving this Fall-ish weather (you all know my love for Fall runs deep)
I turned 40 over the weekend, and as usual, I got the once a year corporate emails reminding me 'how valuable I am', and 'here is a gift voucher to celebrate your big day'. Among the treats that I redeemed include the one from Starbucks (as shown in the photo above), and Hulu's free subscription for the month.
When I re-activated my account, I was reminded that the last time I was on these Hulu streets, I was in my True Crime era, and had saved a couple of documentaries - that I never got round to watching. As I went through my 'You May Like' and 'Saved' stuff, I saw the poster of 'Perfect Wife : The Mysterious Disappearance of Sherri Papini' - which was released this June.
As the trailer below shows, Sherri Papini, a Californian woman, disappeared during her morning run, then reappeared after 22 days, claiming she had been kidnapped, tortured (she had the marks to prove it), then dropped off at the highway in chains.
It turns out, she asked her ex-boyfriend to pick her up, dropped her phone and keys by the roadside (where her husband could find them). Not only did Sherri plan the pick up, she also self-harmed for those 22 days , and even asked her ex to brand her back (we need a whole post on the ex), using wood burning tools she directed him to buy (tools she had made a Pinterest board for).
Before we go anywhere, I want to clearly state that I am not the lady's psychologist, I have not interacted with her beyond this documentary and online media reports. That being said, as I learnt about all her behind the scenes stuff, my mind kept going to my Abnormal Psychology aka Psychopathology class, and I felt like I was back in class, gathering signs and symptoms and getting ready to do a paper on differential diagnosis (possible diagnosis)...I guess this post is my attempt at that.
Other than the mention of trauma by her sister, and a comment that their parents abused alcohol (we do not know the type/cause of trauma, the extent and consequences of the alcohol abuse), we do not know much about the lady's background to firmly say what is wrong. But if this was a case we got in class, the top three on my differential diagnosis (probable diagnosis) list would be;
1. Non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) - yes this is a real diagnosis, and it is defined as the deliberate, self-inflicted destruction of body tissue without suicidal intent and for purposes not socially sanctioned, includes behaviors such as cutting, burning, biting and scratching skin (cited).
2. There is also a chance of Borderline Personality which is tied to impulsive self destructive behavior.
3. Due to lack of additional information, I will put these three into one group because they all involve self destruction and exaggerated physical and psychological symptoms.
- Malingering - when one can intentionally has false or exaggerated symptoms for external benefits eg to get attention
- Munchausen Syndrome aka Factitious Disorder - when one has these symptoms but with no obvious end goal.
- Munchausen Syndrome by proxy - where one makes other people sick, so that they get attention for their role in care-giving. In the documentary, Sherri's husband mentioned that the kids told him of days Sherri would put a chemical on a cloth, then zip tie on their heads so that the kids are sick, and she can take care of them.
As an aside, if you followed or have watched the Gypsy Rose saga, Dee Dee her mother most likely had this. I also watched a somewhat similar psychological thriller on Prime Video called Therapy where the dad used to do this.
I know I have gone all Clinical but I hinted about that in the title. I also know that there is a love-hate relationship with diagnosing people/labeling them but I think, if used well, these labels can be a useful tool to spark healing journeys.
At the root of all these, at least from my perspective is a sense of insecurity. Maslow (of the hierarchy of needs) did a paper in 1942 on the dynamics of psychological security and insecurity. In the paper, he juxtaposed the symptoms of the two. On one hand we have feelings of rejection, perceiving the world as a dangerous place, seeing people as bad, evil, selfish, expecting the worst to happen, and are filled with shame and guilt. On the other hand, we have feelings of being liked/loved and belonging, being at home in the world and seeing people as good and pleasant, feelings of happiness and content, calm, and are at ease.
I can relate to both sides of these psychological concepts. I have had times where the first part described how I felt, and I have had times when the latter part described my life to the T (as I am sure most of you have). The point this becomes an issue, something worth doing something about, is when the former state of insecurities is our constant state. Once that happens, our reality is distorted, and we move in ways others might called abnormal.
Again I say, one documentary, and a few online media pieces, are not enough for us to conclusively say why this lady did what she did. We can only speculate. And as we speculate, we can also take the time to do a quick check in with ourselves to see where we are at with our own securities and insecurities.
What is our general feel about how others see and treat us, what is our general feel about the world and its people, what is our general feel about the future, what is our general feel about this moment we are currently in?
Use these questions as prompts for either meditation or journaling. If you find yourself leaning towards security, take time to give thanks. If you find yourself leaning towards insecurity, take time to dig deeper, and reach out to others, and ask them to walk with you as you process the things that crop up.
We are all have insecurities. Some are big, others mundane. Despite the scope of the insecurity, what makes our behaviors normal or abnormal is what we do about our insecurities.
Part of why Neuroscience fascinates me is things like this. How, and why, do we get to a point that we are constantly motivated to inflict so much pain to ourselves, and others? How, and why, does our mind think that it is ok to do this...and in the case of Sherri Papini, not once, not twice but for 22 days, then go back home, and expect worlds not to shift.
I am excited about the classes I will be taking this Fall, and I look forward to sharing many more 'case studies' with you. Like this one, I may not have all the answers, but I hope to share some prompts that will help us move the focus and finger pointing from the subject and instead, use that opportunity to do a personal check in.
Until the next 'case study',
Sending love and light,
Sitawa
PS: As a fast forward, and spoiler, Sherri was arrested and did time. Her husband divorced her.
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