Things I Hate About The Depressive Side of My Mental Health Diagnosis
March 31, 2024 |
| Reading for my Adult Psychopathy (Abnormal Psychology) exam on my train ride to Washington DC...pic shows my representation of the manic depression spectrum - March 2024 |
Good afternoon beautiful people,
I am at that part of my mental health cycle when everything starts going South. I am not badly off but it is affecting my school work - I am having trouble concentrating - so it is cause for concern. I made plans to go back to therapy (Don is not back so will be working with someone new)…and will hopefully be back to the gym (the cold months make it hard for me to go regularly). My prayer is to get ahead of things before graduation day.
Since I have talked about how I feel just before I get back to therapy, I’d like to switch things up and share the things I experience just before I know it is time to get back to therapy - and the gym (working out has always been good for my mental health).
This post is partly inspired by where I am at psychologically, Boy Interrupted - a documentary we had to watch for my Childhood Disorders class (about a kid with Bipolar Disorder who ended up taking his life) and my Abnormal Psychology notes.
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| Throwback 'screengrab' about depression - January 2024 |
Below are 10 things I experience - and hate about the depressive side of my mental health diagnosis.
1. I hate that I self isolate
2. I hate that I cry a lot
3. I hate that I lose interest/give up on things I love doing
4. I hate that I sleep a lot
5. I hate that I am very irritable
6. I hate that I hate on everyone and everything - not see the good in anything
7. I hate that I cannot make up my mind about anything, and when I finally do, I second guess myself and end up reversing everything
8. I hate that I am easily overwhelmed
9. I hate that I leave piles of clothes everywhere
10. I hate that I have to go through all these yet again
This slowly going into depression part of my life is always hard. I think it’s hard because I am aware that I am going down - and it almost always feels like there is nothing I can do about it. It is like I am sliding down a slippery slope with nothing to hold on to…it feels like an inevitable fall…one I should not waste my strength trying to fight.
But even when there is nothing to hold on to, I still have faith that if I made it through the last time, I will make it through this time too.
I would be dishonest if I said that the faith part comes easily or automatically …to be honest, there are times I wonder if it is worth trying to hold on.
My thoughts might be different tomorrow, but just for today, I remind myself that it is worth holding on, that I am worth holding onto…that despite these negative aspects, my life is an amazing one…and I am amazing.
Thanks for coming to my pep talk.
Sending hugs to everyone who is struggling and trying very hard to hold on,
We’ve got this … and like the countless times before, this too shall pass.
And to the men, women, families, friends and strangers who hold space for us, knowingly or unknowingly, as we try to navigate the slippery slope that is depression, thank you - it means a lot.
Sending love and light,
Sitawa
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