Someday, Maybe, and Other Annihilation Stories
June 02, 2023 |
| Someday, Maybe by Onyi Nwabineli - New Titles shelf at the 'Old' Library |
Please Note: This post talks about suicide and may be triggering - If you or someone you know is struggling, get help by calling any of these free crisis/help lines
Happy new month beautiful souls,
I am still working on what my Summer will look like after things went south and I ended up in hospital.
One of my potential plans, now that Summer school is not occupying my time, is to catch up on some personal reading. This possibility was heightened yesterday when the public library finally opened it doors.
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| History has it that the old Public Library building was someone's house that was donated to the city - always looking out for the unique elements/symbols on the old buildings here in Lancaster |
While people came to see the new 'modern' space (donated by the city/parking authority), my mission was to locate the ‘New Titles’ shelf and stock up for my Summer reading.
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| Exterior of the New library building space - June 2023 |
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| Upstairs reading/hangout area in the New Library is among the many add-ons - June 2023 |
Perusing through the ‘New Titles’ shelf (at least in the old library building) has always been a source of joy.
It always feels (felt) like a treasure hunt…One that I am convinced is specifically set up for me by whoever is in charge of that shelf.
Every so often this person (who is clearly after my own heart) drops some amazing African titles…it is not always guaranteed but they do it often enough to keep me coming back for more…and to be honest, this is why I was at those doors yesterday morning.
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| Checked this out from the (new) Public Library - June 2023 |
Unfortunately, I did not get any African titles yesterday but I got something equally exciting, How Not to Kill Yourself - a 2023 memoir by Clancy Martin on his multiple suicide attempts.
Yes, it is a book on suicide.
Yes, I am excited about it.
And yes I know, I just went from (imaginary) library love affair to the end of life.
While my advocacy side is interested in access to mental health information and support for Africans, my research side is interested in the psychosociology of healing, suicide and addiction.
I am constantly reading and bookmarking material on these topics.
The polygamous reader in me just finished a fictional book on suicide, and I am slow reading a 1952 translation of French Sociologist Emile Durkheim's 1897 Le Suicide: Etude de sociologie (the English translation is titled Suicide: A Study in Sociology) alongside the 3rd Edition of the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous), published in 1976.
The fictional book I finished a couple of weeks ago is Someday, Maybe by Onyi Nwabineli. It explores the aftermath of suicide, specifically what happens to those who are 'left behind', in a way that makes it feel more like a memoir than a work of fiction.
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| Front Cover |
The front cover and prologue let us know that Eve, the main character, has lost her husband through suicide. So naturally, from the onset, we are curious about the how and the why. The rest of book tries to quench our curiosities while highlighting various themes around suicide. The two themes I was drawn to are social support and grief.
Eve and her family moved from Nigeria to London when she and her siblings were young. She met Q, a white man, while they were both in Uni, and got married (trying not to give spoilers). Throughout her life, her family has always been there for her and when Q died it wasn’t any different. When she could not do anything for herself, her family, best friend and people she meets at an art class are there to hold her and hold things up.
Besides showing the importance of a strong support system, the book does a good job at showing the various stages of grief - which are non linear. Through these stages, we learn about additional emotions like guilt (for not noticing what he was going through), denial (when the phone rings and she hopes it is him), need to know why (he did not leave a note), blame and many more. We also see the use of medication and therapies as ways to deal with grief.
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| Back Cover |
I am aware that this is a fictional book but it paints an amazing picture of what those ‘left behind’ go through. One of the many things I am interested in through my quest to study suicide is not just the people who 'leave', but the people 'who are left'.
What happens psychologically and socially to people like Aspen, Q's mother, who do not have as supportive a social network as Eve? What happens to people who have children to take care of or those who have to go work so that they can pay their bills, do they ‘cut short’ their grieving? How do people, if they do, reconcile all the emotions that come up during the grieving period? How do they reconcile, if at all, not knowing why? Should those thinking of ‘leaving’ think about all these things before 'they leave'? And should there be answers for all these questions?
In the intro to How Not to Kill Yourself, Clancy Martin (the book I checked out from the library yesterday) mentions that he will be touching on some of these things. I look forward to spending the next week digging into the 'suicidal mind' as I continue to figure out what Summer will look like.
Sending love and light,
Sitawa
PS:
If you or someone you know is struggling, get help by calling any of these free crisis/help lines
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